“I think Obama’s great. It’s the first time in eight years (since George W. Bush came into power) I’ve heard somebody speak English. I think it’s refreshing to see someone who’s reasonably intelligent come in. I agree with a lot of (Obama’s) stuff. There are a couple of things I’m concerned with, but all things considered I think he’s the best candidate for the job.”

If there was ever any doubt on who will be victorious in the presidential election, there isn’t now. If Slash endorses a candidate we all know that’s who will be in the White House come January. In fact, with his political expertise, we should appoint him President Of The Universe and allow him to make all decisions without any checks or balances. Everyone answers to Slash. Even you Dubbya. Everyone would smoke cigarettes and play the solo to “Sweet Child O’ Mine” every day. That would be tight. What do you think he would do to Axl if he was president? I’d have his dick chopped off and keep telling him that we’re sorting out the details and we can’t set a specific date of re-attachment. We’ll make him wait like 15 years or something, then let Best Buy exclusively re-attach his hang low.

“Thunderstruck“
“Shoot To Thrill“
“Back in Black“
“Hell Ain’t a Bad Place to Be“
“Heatseeker“
“Fire Your Guns“
“Jailbreak“
“The Jack“
“Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap“
“Moneytalks“
“Hells Bells“
“High Voltage“
“Whole Lotta Rosie“
“You Shook Me All Night Long“
“T.N.T.“
“Let There Be Rock“
“Highway To Hell“
“For Those About to Rock (We Salute You)“

“The Jack“, eh? I can’t wait for the little kids to say, “Daddy what does he mean when he says ‘She’s Got The Jack’?” If the father is anything like mine he’ll turn and say, “Ask Your Mother, she would know.”

Dec. 20 – Ft. Lauderdale, FL – Bank Atlantic Center
Dec. 21 – Tampa, FL – St. Pete Times Forum
Jan. 05 – Cleveland, OH – Quicken Loans Arena
Jan. 07 – Pittsburgh, PA – Mellon Arena
Jan. 09 – Toronto, ONT – Rogers Centre
Jan. 11 – Cincinnati, OH – U.S. Bank Arena
Jan. 13 – St. Louis, MO – Scottrade Center
Jan. 15 – Omaha, NE – Qwest Center
Jan. 17 – Fargo, ND – Fargodome
Jan. 19 – Minneapolis, MN – Xcel Energy Center
Jan. 21 – Kansas City, MO – Sprint Center
Jan. 23 – Dallas, TX – American Airlines Center
Jan. 26 – Tulsa, OK – BOK Center
Jan. 28 – Little Rock, AR – Alltel Arena
Jan. 30 – Memphis, TN – FedEx Forum
Jan. 31 – Nashville, TN – Sommet Center

I’m kinda pissed they didn’t accept my invitation to play in my back yard. It would have been in the place of the Fargo show on January 17th.  Psh, whatever. I had a chocolate fountain and catering all lined up, too. They have also announced a Rock Band: AC/DC, that will be sold exclusively through Wal-Mart. What is so good about Wal-Mart? Sure it may be ran by the richest family in the world and the most successful franchise ever, but the automotive department smells like a two day old burrito with extra cheese.

Bruce Springsteen and his E Street Band will play during halftime of the Super Bowl in Tampa Bay next year. Good to see the halftime show guys are keeping with their “Guys who were once famous but should probably stop making music because they look terrible” theme for the mid-game festivities.

“Listen, there’s nothing up with the audio quality. It’s 2008, and that’s how we make records. Rick Rubin’s whole thing is to try and get it to sound lively, to get it to sound loud, to get it to sound exciting, to get it to jump out of the speakers. Of course, I’ve heard that there are a few people complaining. But I’ve been listening to it the last couple of days in my car, and it sounds fuckin’ smokin’.

Somebody told me about [people complaining that the Guitar Hero version of Death Magnetic sounds better]. Listen, what are you going to do? A lot of people say [the CD] sounds great, and a few people say it doesn’t, and that’s OK. You gotta remember, when we put out …And Justice for All, people were going, ‘What happened to these guys, this record? There’s no bass on it. It sounds like it was recorded in a fuckin’ garage on an eight-track.’ And now …And Justice for All is sort of the seminal Metallica record that supposedly influenced a whole generation of death-metal bands. The difference between back then and now is the Internet.”

Here is the difference. The top video is the album version, the bottom is the Guitar Hero version.

The difference is very audible. In the album version the drums are very high and the guitars aren’t as present. What does that mean? Absolutely nothing. Absolutely fucking nothing. I think the problem here is people were expecting Metallica to put out a shit album, and when it was good, there wasn’t anything to complain about. “It’s Too Loud!” was the first thing that was blurted out so “the man” just ran with it. If someone would’ve tasted the album, literally licked it and said it didn’t taste good, that would’ve been what was wrong with the CD. The music is fine, but in this technological age, we have to have incentives to buy the hard copy of music. If you can make your CD taste like Jack Daniels I’ll buy it. Metallica didn’t do that, so this album sucks my balls.

“It’s both frustrating and ridiculous for this story to continue to rear its head when all the musicians that surround the story are keen to get on with their individual projects and move forward. I wish Jimmy Page, John Paul Jones and Jason Bonham nothing but success with any future projects.”

That’s what the “Golden God” said about the shit. I can’t even damn type without cussing I’m so bitch pissed. Fuck suck.

“Rock legends Led Zeppelin are finally set to embark on a reunion tour after West Bromwich-born lead singer Robert Plant [REPORTEDLY] caved in and agreed to join the rest of the band, it was reported today.”

It’s also official that I just set a record for the fastest man to ever get a boner. And if it’s not true, I’ll become the fastest man to find the guy that reported a Led Zeppelin reunion and slaughter his genitals with a potato peeler.